A game to solve all your life’s problems with! Consult the guru on any matter your heart desires and let him bestow wisdom upon you! Relive the Golden Age of text adventures! Beat the guru at his own game! So to speak!

> get punishment

Hypertext! Hyperpunishment! Click links while your heart sinks! Read texts and repent your defects! Enjoy the Twine! Your soul’s on the line!

Type! Type the boulder up the hill! Type the eagle away from your liver! Type, damn you! It’s Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing in the depths of Hades! Feel the burn of your repetitive strain injuries!

Snow, but made of text! Rooms, but made of text! Stairs, but made of text! An elevator, but made of text! You’ll probably die, but made of text! These fragments I have shored against my ruins!

There’s a great novelist inside all of us! Especially you! You just need to get started! Write! Read! Write-read! What is that?! Find out!

Work your depressing day job! Decorate your desk! Experience true apathy! But watch out for the twist! Maybe you’ll be all like, “Help me! Help me!”

Hut one! Hut two! Hut eleven! Hut whatever! Hut hut hut! It’s game time, kicker! Taste the incomparable flavours of glory and defeat! Even a tied game perhaps! Play as the kicker on an American football team! Get used to life on the sidelines, kid!

Mavis Beacon Teaches Horrible Death In An Air Wreck! See if your fingers are fast enough to save yourself from the many grisly deaths available in the world of air travel. And learn something in the process! Like typing! And how to not die!